Stop Rationalizing and Negotiating Your Feelings
By: Donna M.
As human beings we rationalize our decisions on a daily basis, we rationalize to protect our egos and we rationalize in an attempt to explain or justify our behavior, our attitude our feelings or our child’s behavior, attitude, feelings with logical, plausible reasons. Parents have a tendency to negotiate their wants and needs and are constantly trying to find a way over or through their child’s active addiction, alcoholism.
Parents of children with S.U.D. (substance use disorder) have a tendency to negotiate their feelings in exchange for their child seeking treatment. Parent’s rationalize that their teen or adult child’s feelings are more important than there’s and they are very often willing to negotiate their feelings consciously or unconsciously for their child’s happiness. As the saying goes “a parent is as happy as his/her happiest child”.
When your child is in active addiction or struggling with their recovery, stop putting yourself in your child’s destructive pathway and stop allowing your child to trample on your boundaries. When you tell your child what your boundaries are and they continue to step all over them and are hurting you . . . stop putting yourself in your son and or daughters pathway.
Stop trying to reason with your child when he or she is unreasonable especially when your son or daughter is high or drunk. Parents try so hard to get along with their children and are often left feeling disheartened, sad, angry, or demeaned. When your teen or adult child is provoking you into acting crazy, S.T.O.P. so that you can think, observe and plan how you will interact or react.
When your child is disrespectful to you, stop the conversation by simply stating: “OUCH! this conversation doesn’t feel good so I’m going to hang up/remove myself”. When you take control of the conversation in a cool, calm tone, your child has nowhere to go with it. When you shut down a hurtful, disrespectful conversation that isn’t helping anyone in a loving, kind way, you are taking back your power. You have the right to say what doesn’t feel good to you and you have the right to say when you have had enough.