Filter Your Thoughts Before You Speak
By: Donna M.
Words are not neutral, they either tear down or build up a relationship. They are either harmful or helpful and they can be forgiven not forgotten.
As parents we often crave interaction with our teen or adult children. Communication skills either pave the way for meaningful conversations or they dismantle the relationship,
Despite its importance, our ability to communicate calmly, effectively and loving are the first skills we often lose when we learn that we have a child in active addiction.
When parent are new to the world of addiction/alcoholism they don't often have an understanding of how addiction will affect their child, themselves and their relationship When a parent is new to their child's world of S.U.D, they don't often have a filter when they are expressing their fear, their worry and their anxiety.
If we don’t know how to properly communicate with one another, our conversations can quickly turn to anger, avoidance, depression or indifference.
It’s hard for our children to verbalize their feelings when they are in active addiction because the drug/alcohols can smother their emotions along with their promises.
We must filter our thoughts so that we can filter our words.
Before you say something to your child, ask yourself:
* Is it true? Truth trumps all. If it’s not true, don’t say it.
* Is it hurtful? The answer is yes, don't say it.
* Is it mean? If you find yourself going for the juggler, don't
* Disarm yourself by removing yourself from the situation.
* Rephrase your words by saying them in a positive way
* Ask open ended questions and listen to your child's answer
without thinking about what you are going to say next.
* Listen without judgement